The Only Thing You Should Expect is Disappointment

(Oslo Lufthavn, January 5, 2022)

I arrived in Oslo on the 5th of January, getting off the airplane and getting ready to get on another airplane, I realize that I could not find my luggage on the baggage belt. I started to look at each belt. One by one luggage passed by me and none of them is the one I am looking for. Considering that it was possibly delayed, I made a delayed baggage report right away. Deep inside, I keep thinking positively that many people have experienced the same thing and they get them back in the end, so this might be nothing. The next day, everything was fine; I could track my luggage, arrive in my room safely, and no need to do quarantine. Unfortunately, this finest didn't last forever.

Considering the peaking outbreak, the college considering doing lockdown for a week. And in this week, one thing that I did gradually was call airports and each airline I went to. Till days passed the lockdown, I still trying to reach them out. Yes, to the day I am writing this right now, I still have not gotten my luggage, yet. Finger crossed. It has been nearly three weeks. Seventeen days without anything I have packed nicely. Seventeen days without having good food I have prepared. Seventeen days of living fake hope from all the operators I have called. Seventeen days of not knowing whether I should keep waiting or give up.

Before approaching winter break last 2021, my friends and I have planned our holiday plan. All the tickets and destinations are ready to be surfed. We were so excited until the new outbreak happened again, everything was ruined. I finally need to cancel all the flights, replanned my own winter break, and decided to go back straight home. Adding up the disappointment, I need to wait many hours just to get myself a room to have 7 days of stressful quarantine that takes up one-third of my break. Within the break, I didn't have all the time to myself because I need to do my work. It was a busy two weeks that I spent just to get myself done with the holiday-to-do list. 

The last day of 2021 may be spent nicely I would say. Then again, all the happiness I have dreamed of is always followed by broken hearts and disappointment. The year 2022 was started painfully. It was too painful that I have no tears left. Too tired to cry. Even confused about how to express it anymore as the pain has become a daily dose. The end of 2021 and the beginning of 2022 were like high and low, right and left, summer and winter, north and south. I was flying across the universe when suddenly the ugliest creature pulled me back to earth and bury me underground.

Disappointment. At this point, I really don't know what disappointment is. Is it the feeling when something does not go as planned? is it the feeling of can't accept what reality gives? or is it just destiny that keeps following me even though I have experienced the same thing? The hardest part of this is when I don't know whether I have to keep waiting and fighting for better things or just forget it and let disappointment be the end.

Although disappointment may both be a bad dream and encouragement to be stronger, we sometimes don't need to define what that is. Letting our decision to face it may lead us to a different definition of what disappointment is about. Therefore, instead of aiming for single happiness, the only thing we should expect is most likely disappointment and anything else should surprise us. Not expecting good things might be the best to not let disappointment tear us into pieces. Because our own expectation is sometimes the one that destroys us.